I'm Blah...

*deep sigh*

...gee this sounds vaguely familiar... it's deja vu all over again. LOL! GET IT! I made a funny.

Anywho, I've been rather disgusted with myself lately. Do you ever just get yourself all wrapped up in a funk like a when someone does a dutch oven on you in the bed and you're stuck under the covers and the stench is so overwhelmingly funktified that you'd kill your mother to escape?

Yeah, that's how I feel right now. Just funktified and mad about it.

I'm sure you're wondering when I'm going to remove my head from my arse and do something about said funk, but that's part of the problem. Solving the age old problem of just how indeed to succesfully remove my head from my arse. What surgical procedure would do best in this particular case, right?

*deep sigh all over again*

Well, you see folks...I'm sick of my life as a whole. Sick of my house and sick of feeling completely overwhelmed by it. Sick of my stuggle with my weight. Sick of being lonely. Sick of dust. Sick of weeds. Sick of trash. Sick of repairs. Sick of .

Yes, what to do about being sick. Could someone please cook me up a cure or something please?! I'd just like a pill that makes it all just go away. Some kinda of psychotropic wonder pill that makes me not care that my house looks like a crazy woman lives there right now....replete with little dust trails along the wood floor where I shuffle from room to room, the cat hair, a humungous pile of perfectly clean clothes piled up on the guest bed, kitty liter on the bathroom rug, dirty dishes in the dishwasher, soap scum around the tub, weeds and vines are threatening a coupe d'etat of the lawn and my hottub looks like one of those old abandoned Western towns with the tumble weed rolling down Main Street.

Is this as good as it gets? I just can't motivate myself to care right now. You see, I've been remodeling my master bath and most recently converting the attic into a 4th bedroom and every time I clean it gets dirtier. So, I'm playing the waiting game. Hoping and praying that soon, it will all be over and I can restore order to my humble abode. However, this is taking a huge toll on my psyche. I HATE CLUTTER AND FILTH. I'm one of those girls that wants her place to look like the pages of "Haughty Taughty" magazine and right now its looking more like "Crazy Bi Polar Cat Lady on a Bender" house.

*argh*

I'm overwhelmed. I don't know where to begin. So, today on my way into work as I reflected on my present malaise, I decided that I would just do little things everyday to make me feel better about my disorganized life. What prey tell? For instance, tonight after I get home from the gym, I'm going to throw out all the kitty litter in Kitty's litter box and pour in fresh litter (kitty stinks lately), take out the garbage cause it's Wednesday and hang up a few of my clothes. You see the reason the clothes are heaped up on the guest bed is because my master closet is full of dust from the remodel and I figured why schelp my clean clothes upstairs right now, but I think the worst is over so it's safe to take them upstairs now. That should be enough for tonight. Tomorrow night, more of the same. Pick something small and git 'er done and just keep going like that. Baby steps....that's it! Baby steps...

*big sigh of relief* There that feels better already.

As for the lonely, Sean will be visiting me for my birthday! :D He purchased his tickets and it's official. He'll be here and I can't wait to see him.

You already know what I have in mind for the weight loss, but I'm still struggling with my lifelong demons. Food addiction is a BIOTCH! I saw this story on Discovery Health recently where one man said "...imagine if a crack addict had to have just a little crack every day to live...that's what it's like to be a food addict...you have to eat..."

Yes, of all the addictions, food addiction has got to be the crueliest. I just cannot deny myself. I have to have that high that I get from a nice frothy cold Coke with ice, my nightly bag of Pop Secret Homestyle or a bag of my favorite Haribo Gummi Bears. Yeah, my soft spot is for popcorn and sweets. CANDY! I LOVE IT! I GOTTA HAVE IT! I have a big tin in my kitchen where I stash my sweets. Starbursts, Skittles, Haribo Gummi Bears, Chewy SweetTarts, Dove Chocolate, Hot Tamales, Mike & Ikes, Jolly Ranchers, Strawberry Twizzlers, the list goes on and on. It feels good to get that off my chest, actually. My secret addiction. I freak out of I don't have my Pop Secret and some sort of candy in my house. Even if I don't eat it right away, I just have to know it's there. The Coke has become a bad habit that I have re-acquainted myself with over the past few months. Lately, it's gotten pretty bad. I bought 5 cases on sale the last time I was at the grocery store. Well, officially, I have 4 cases of Coke Zero and 1 case of regular Coke, but still. To date, this is the most soda I have purchased for myself at one time, ever! *hanging head in shame*

Realistically, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to complain about. I have a good life. I'm just whining about nothing really...I'll snap out of it and get my crap together. *fingers crossed*