A Knitter's Divine Comedy

Not too long ago, it occurred to me that knitting can be associated to Dante's Infamous "Divine Comedy" Here's how I see it:

The Circles of Hell
Condemned to Inferno are those characterized as possessing a stash solely composed of itchy, scratchy, plastic acrylic Red Heart glittery holiday yarn that they use to crochet gigantic Christmas Tree skirts.

The Terraces of Purgatory
Knitters who have realized the sin of owning petro acrylic yarn and who strive to increase their knitting ability are remanded to purgatory to purge and redeem themselves.
They purge their stash of unnatural fiber and seek to learn new, varied techniques, so that they may knit more perfect Godly objects.

• On the first three terraces of Purgatory are purified those whose sins were caused by fun fur sweaters.
• On the fourth terrace we find sinners whose sin was that of the Martha Stewart poncho.
• On the fifth through seventh terraces are those who sinned by making granny square vests.

Thus purified, knitterly souls can direct their love fully towards God to the best of their inherent capability to do so. They are then ready to leave Mount Purgatory for Paradise. Being totally purged of sin, Purgatorio ends with the knitter's vision aimed at the stars, anticipating their ascent to heaven.

The Spheres of Paradiso
Finally, knitters possessing inordinate skill and a wholly natural fiber stash of impeccable quality, yet attained with care are ascended to heaven where they are content in knitterly bliss.