...'Nother Dose of Mental Viagra, Please!

*deep breath* *lightbulb of realization*

I GET IT! I FINALLY FRICKIN' GET IT!

I know I've posted about this topic before, but I'm TOTALLY convinced that I'm way too freakin' smart for the average guy. I'm not saying this to be elitist. I'm saying this as if I'm standing up in front of a local support group. As if I am, finally, ready to admit that I have a problem. I'm too smart. Who would think that being too smart would be a problem, but for me...and I'm sure for others, it is. You may ask, how, prey tell, did I come to this sudden conclusion?

FUNNY STORY!

The past few sessions with my nubile trainer, J@son have proven to be quite exhaustive for both of us. For me, physically exhaustive. For him, mental overload. You see, my mind runs at warp speed ALL THE TIME! Talking to Ab3 last night, he explained that he NOW understands why I knit. To slow down the cylinders...as a way of relaxation and calming..much the way a p0thead smokes w33d to unwind, I suppose. Anywho. Back to Jason. I figured out early on that talking about current affairs and such was a lost cause with him. H3ll, he doesn't even know what a freakin' WEEBLE is. *sigh* So, I was ranting about something or other during our last session and he said, "Uh? I have no idea what the h3ll you are talking about. You lost me about 10 minutes ago." LMAO! *pulls at hair* FINE! Ab3 says that because I like to tell such elaborate, colorful stories that the average man just can't keep up. They checkout about 3 minutes into the thing. *pout*

Then, that same night, talking to Chris on the phone, the one I went on a date with last Friday, I heard similar feedback. I was ranting about how I heard that some schools don't teach CURSIVE anymore because its not on the freakin' "No Child Left Behind" assessment test! I swear! I mean humans have an opposable thumb for a reason!!! The fact that we can write in cursive is one of the MANY factors that separate us from primates! I mean even a chimp can print! H3ll, they can identify colors and do sign language, surely they can print! So, now they aren't teaching CURSIVE anymore. No art, no music, no cursive, no PE, good lawd. We will be a nation of PRIMATES in the next couple of generations. Why isn't anyone else pissed off about this? I only pray that I die before the complete and utter downfall of the once notable American ingenuity. *headdesk*

Please, please for the love of all this is good and natural, TEACH CHILDREN how to write cursive, how to paint without numbers, conduct a symphony, write lyrics, how to speak another language, how to knit, how to sew, how to grow a plant from a seed, how to cook. I can't believe the mass of subjects that are simply falling by the wayside in the name of "No Child Left Behind"! Imagine entire generations of Americans who can't write cursive, write a haiku, dream a fairy tale, paint without numbers, sing a song, grow a potato plant, make a friendship bracelet...all the things that make us decidedly HUMAN! Obviously we cannot depend on the educational system at large to instill those things in our future generations, so it is up to each one of us who already knows to pass this valuable knowledge onto our youth. Chief among all these is CRITICAL THINKING! How many of our youth are stymied by seemingly simple tasks? It's scary, I tell you.

Then, I told him about my UFO Wednesday night rant about how ridiculous the TSA is for making us take our shoes off, but any ole schmuck running a fever and drooling at the mouth and board a plane. H3ll, they care more about sh0e b0mbers and drunks than they do someone loaded up with a deadly v!rus. Case in point, the @ssh0le lawyer who flew around the world carrying a deadly strain of tuberculosis. *grumble* HE DIDN'T LOOK SICK because he was an affluent Wh!te male, but if he looked like a "terrorist" and they had him flagged in the system as having TB, then they would have carted his brown @ss right off to "r3ndition" land...never to be heard of again. *loud cry* OK! I hate to state the obvious, yet again, but a human can be used as a biological weapon quite easily and the easiest way to spread a pandemic is via AIR. *headdesk* Did anyone see "12 M0nkeys" or "0utbreak"? I'm not stating anything new or novel, but try to board a plan wearing a face mask and you'll be carted off to "r3ndition" too. Don't know what it is, google it. :)

So, this was the rant and poor Chris was on the receiving end of that rant. Don't get me wrong. He's pretty freakin' smart this Chris. He's d@mn smart, but even HE has a hard time keeping up with my mental jujitsu. I can jump from topic to topic like a lemur jumps from branch to branch in the jungle and/or I meander through a topic like a stealthy panther on the hunt for prey.

Sadly, the only man so far that can even come close to matching me mentally is Ab3. *facepalms* Yeah, I know. The other funny thing is that we enjoy the fight of it all. The mental grappling that takes place is quite beautiful, actually. I compare it to two lions getting it on. LOL! Grrrr...

I told Ab3 last night that he reminded me of Dr. Perry Cox from Scrubs and I was like his ex-wife/baby mama Jordan Sullivan. *check out Dr. Cox's famous quotes*
Anyone remember the " My Self-Examination" episode wherein, Dr. Cox is going through fighting withdrawals when Jordan refuses to fight with him anymore and the hospital staff pays the price. He was looking for a fight anywhere he could find one...like a dope fiend looking for their next hit. I think that is what I was trying to replicate with poor ole Jason, but like the Lion and the Tin Man...he doesn't have the courage or the heart for it. LOL!

Unfortunately, every now and then when I go too long without a good ole mental grapple. I look for one. LOL! I was looking for a fight with Jason and Jason turned into a mix of Odie and Nermal. *pfft* Here I am all Garfield'd out with extra sharp claws and he turns into NERMODIE! DAGNABIT!

...and so, I say all of this to say that I may NEVER get married or even have a long term relationship because they don't have MENTAL VIAGRA! I guess I'll just keep burning through them like a light saber. LOL!