Being The Only One...

One of the knitters in one of my Yahoo! groups posted about being the sole Black female in her office and that reminded me of being the sole Black female knitter at knit nights and prompted me to respond to her posting...

"You know I can TOTALLY RELATE to your plight.
I'm an ARMY brat and I had to finish HS in Olympia, WA.
Talk about a culture shock moving from El Paso, TX where the majority of my friends were Caucasian or Latino to all Caucasian. I, too, was only 1 of maybe 5 Black students throughout my undergrad years in school. Honestly, I didn't know any different to think that I was missing out on anything.

After graduating high school up in Olympia, WA, I ended up going to my parents alma mater down in Arkansas to UAPB (a historically Black College(HBCU)). Talk about a HUGE culture shock. You see, I had NEVER in my life been in an environment where the majority was Black. A predominantly Black city with a predominantly Black college. That was a GIGANTIC hurdle. Yes, of course at first, I was talked about and teased for acting "White", but after a while I learned to fit in and adapt to the slow Southern ways and means.

I lost my virginity while in college with Black man and had only dated Black men up until I moved to KC. I found that there were a lot of White men here in Kansas City who were/are interested in me. So, I thought, "What the heck!" I've always been attracted to Caucasian men, yet due to circumstances beyond my control I hadn't been at liberty to pursue anything. LOL! Not saying that's going to happen to you, that's just my story.

There was one point in my life when I was utterly depressed and miserable and desperate to find a Black man. That was when I lived in Minneapolis, MN. My first real job out of college. I had moved from AR to MN to work for Cargill. Yet another culture shock. There were so many college educated, intelligent Black peoeple in Minneapolis. They, too, were implants from somewhere else. We networked. We socialized. We bonded. But alas, no Black man for me, though. All of us single Black women were in the same exact boat. We were all COMPETING for the same Black men. Too many of us and not enough of them (Black men). They had us by the proverbial balls. Even the most repugnant among them could afford to be choosy and could do whoever, whatever, whenever they wanted. I always used to joke that all inbound Black men (married or single) were placed on a waiting list and assigned to the next available White woman upon arrival in Minneapolis (Minnesota). During my tenure in Minneapolis, I know of 2 Black couples that were destroyed when he decided to leave his Black wife for a White woman. Why? *shrug* I don't know.

I had my own non-existent love life to worry about. I didn't have ONE DATE the entire 3 years I lived there. Sure, my married friends tried to fix me up, but...eh. I was too fat, at least that's my reasoning. Ultimately, I think it was the disproportionate number of Black man/White woman liaisons, shortage of eligible Black men and the extremely high percentage of homosexuals in Minneapolis that were the biggest obstacles. Those weren't the only problems. I was so focused on being with a Black man that I didn't even notice if any other man was remotely interested in me. *sigh* I remember sobbing at the airport once as I was waiting at the gate to fly down from Minneapolis to KC for a consulting gig. There stood this Black man and his White wife and their children at the gate saying goodbye and I saw him give his wife this big long kiss. I lost it. I wondered to myself, "WHY LAWD! WHY! What's wrong with me? Why can't I find a man like that?" *sob*

Amazingly, it was at this same time that I said to myself, "You know what!? You need to let go of this angst and recognize that even you aren't 100% Black. Does it matter what color he is?" That's when I let go. I just stopped caring. No more cringing when I saw a Black Man/White Woman couple anymore. No more feeling like a failure. It felt good to let that go. To purge myself of that gnawing feeling in my gut."