Further Down The Guilt Trip Expressway

:: facepalms ::

I'm still awake and my stomach is burning again...kinda like when Atlanta burned to the ground.

She's back in the hospital AGAIN! 'deep sigh
She had just gotten out of the hospital last Monday and now she's back in again. One week later.
This time with a blood clot. Ironic since she had a miracle healing on Thursday. HA! I guess all that praying and hollering and shouting didn't fix it after all. I'll blog about that one later.

My grandmother called me earlier tonight to beg me to come down there. She's at her wits end. I've never heard her sound like this before. It shook me. She told me I had to come. I had to find a way to get down there.

I held the phone for a second and promised I'd find a way to get down there tomorrow even though I'm broken, broke and tired. I'll scrape together enough to get me down there, I guess.
As soon as I hung up from her, I called Adrian. "She's back in the hospital again.", I said in a somber voice. He exclaimed, "What! She told me she was doing ok. I can't believe this. I'm kinda pissed that she never tells me what's really going on. I'm supposed to leave for Africa this Friday. I'm broke and I don't know how I'm going to get there to see her before I leave the country. 'sigh I can't believe this."

From there a slew of phone calls back and forth to my Aunt, my Uncle, my Cousin Kim, my Grandmother. We were all at our wits end trying to find out what to do.

My brother called my mom during this time and she cried and begged him to come see her. He managed to get an emergency leave from the Air Force base, hopped in his truck and began to drive in the middle of the night.

Meanwhile, I began assembling and packing and cleaning and dreading. As I was washing up some dishes, I began to sob. I reared back my head and screamed. I'm pissed. I feel like I'm being poached. Like a hunting party has corned me and thrown a net over my head and they are going to drag me off to the nearest zoo habitat. I don't know if my mom is really drawing close to the end or if this is another thinly veiled attempt to garner our attention and sympathy.

I wonder if this was truly the end, why my other uncles haven't shown up. Why isn't Aunt Effie driving back in the middle of the night to be at her side? Why only Adrian and me? I don't think she really even intended for Adrian to come see her. I've been the main target. They (Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother, Mother) have been hounding me for a solid week to come down there.
I don't want to do it. I fear what lay ahead. I fear that I will never make it back the same again. That she will clutch and tear at me and devour my very being.