Yes, I Would Love It...

...If You Made It Easy on Me, Mom."

That's the last thing I said as left my mom's hospital room and rushed back to "the house" this morning to attend to a pressing work issue.

It was barely 10:00 AM. I had just arrived at her hospital room pushing my grandmother in a wheelchair. No sooner had I sat down, my mother was already worrying about lunch. Of course, she picked at her breakfast. Barely ate any of it. My phone rang and I had to leave the room. It was a customer calling to follow up on a problem from friday. Returning to the room, mom informed me that I was going to go pick up a Ribeye Steak dinner from the Bonanza and had asked my grandmother if she wanted something, too. Nanny said, "NO! I don't need anything to eat from Bonanza. I can fix me something when I get home." Then, mom says, "Don't make it easy on Carmen, Mama. She can go get us something to eat and bring it back when the Bonanza opens up at 11:30 AM." I was pissed. That's when I said, "Yes! I would love it if you made it easy for me, mom. That would be great." I grabbed my purse and hightailed it back to "the house" because I had forgotten my work laptop as my grandmother and I rushed out of the house that morning 9:30 AM to make a deposit at the bank. I left Nanny there with my mom to visit for a while longer.

Fortunately, the type of work I do can be done remotely, but it's been a challenge convincing my mom that I need to work during business hours. Not that I can work in her hospital room anyway. I tried that last week and ended up having to go back to "the house" so I could concentrate. You see my Aunt used to stay with her ALL DAY EVERYDAY from dawn til dusk fulfilling her every desire. I'm not in the position to do that. I can't stay there all day with her. Especially when she has 50 million errands for me to run and I have to fetch meals and see about my grandmother and WORK! I think my mom thinks I'm just playing around on the computer, even though, I got several calls from customers while I sat there in her hospital room. One day, while trying to work in her room, I showed her the list of issues I had to deal with immediately. I tried to explain that my work can be like a virtual computer related emergency room triage. She grunted and proceeded to tell me to go fetch something. I explained that if I don't work that it is very visible and that people will escalate on me in a heartbeat to executives. I explained that I don't have anymore vacation time. I have to work. She got mad and told me to just go back home (Kansas City) if I had to work. GUILT TRIP! My stomach burned and my head pounded.

I didn't come here to run errands all day for her. She refuses to eat the hospital meals and calls for me to bring her meals from local restaurants and fast food places. So, the phone starts ringing around 8 AM and doesn't stop until late in the evening. "Where are you? What are you doing? What y'all eating? Where is your grandmother? What is she doing? Is she cooking? I want some blah blah and blah blah from such and such place and stop by such and such place and pick me up some blah blah on the way to the hospital. Ask Nanny what she wants for lunch. See if Nanny needs to go to the store." :: sigh! :: Meanwhile, my manager has contacted me via IM and email to handle an irate customer situation and there are a crap ton of tickets that need to be addressed before 12 noon. My head hurts and my stomach burns and I haven't slept more than 4-6 hours in days. I'm tired and pissed off. I came here to see what was going on with my mom and be with her in the hospital, but on my own terms. I don't need her to plan my days and work me down to the bone. My Aunt (GAWD BLESS HER SOUL!) narrowly escaped this past Saturday after being here for 4 weeks and returned to her home and family. She had been suffering from a bad tooth and was in excrutiating pain for days, but promised my mom she wouldn't go home for a while after I had arrived. So, for a few days last week, both of us were at my mom's beck and call. Fetching, cleaning, primping, fluffing, schleping. Both of us exhausted and gut wrenched, but determined to give my mom what she wants when she wants it the way she wants it. Sure, she's in the hospital and she's sick, but she's making me miserable and I'm reminded why I really don't enjoy visiting her. She's a task master and now that she doesn't work anymore, she wants to manage me, my grandmother, my brother, his kids, his ex wife, her friends, the neighbors, the neighbor's dog, whatever and whoever she can. HA! I'm grown. I'm quite capable of managing my own life and daily agenda. THANK YOU!

After I left the room this morning, I'm pretty sure my grandmother admonished my mom for being so demanding and difficult while she's been in the hospital. That she is being unreasonable and that she's lucky to have family like us. Most people aren't so lucky.

This past week has been exhausting. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally and Financially.
No, brother #1 can't help. He's being deployed to Iraq in a couple weeks. No relief.
Brother #2 is already in Afghanistan, but he's not a blood relation to her.

I hope they release her from the hospital soon! I hope she makes a full recovery so she can do for herself again and stop running us into the ground.